Sunshine & Gunpowder

Sunshine and Gunpowder.

Your warm brown eyes that place the sun second, and my worry filled green that pummels into dust. The sound of the sea and the rasp of the air. My ache for simplicity and your desire for complexity. The way your voice booms through the walls and the way mine ruffles down my shirt. Your hand goes through my hair and you whisper ” everything will be alright ” and the way my hands slide under my eyes masking my emotions. You sleep to the sound of nonentity and I sleep to the sound of birds chirping. Synesthesia labels your laughter the sunrise and mine the sunset. We are night and day, light and dark, black and white.

Sunshine and Gunpowder.

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The Rain.

The rain pours down. You glance at the window in misery, for you know the outcome. The phone buzzes, a message from her saying that she is going to stay home. She bailed on you. You sigh in disappointment, but make your way to the door anyway. Stepping out onto the pavement makes you feel a sense of relief. The droplets frame your face and you wipe them away. Your scream echoes round the empty streets. I come around, seeking shelter. You rescued me from what I thought was the worst night. We then chat, laugh and enjoy like never before. I take your hand we dance around the same raining streets.

That night, we learned how to dance in the rain.

 

Betrayal.

The halls where we used to walk together are now just haunting memories of the past. I watch you laugh and smile with my replacement while I just stare at your insecure bodies. Don’t question me, I have other friends, closer friends, better friends but you have caused a dent too big that it left a scar. You were someone I could tell things that I didn’t know myself but now, you are nothing but a student walking past me. Our flower-filled garden is now nothing but a showcase for sticks and stones. Our plans have been sucked in by a tornado. Our love has vanished into thin air.

It’s funny how a best friend can turn into stranger.

 

Blind

I was blind.

Blinded by the magic in your dimples.

Blinded by the kindness in your eyes.

Blinded by the beauty in your heart.

Blinded by how perfect you were.

My vision could not see past the illusion that happened to be human.

Heartache and misery.

Is that not what happens when you are blind?

I did not see past you.

I did not see the reality.

 

Everything you told me was a lie.

I rip your letters into two.

For, we are separate now.

Two, not connected in any way.

The pain you caused me is unforgivable.

And now?

Now, my heart bleeds between these lines.

 

 

Lost

Not all those who wander are lost.

I am not lost.

I know where I am headed.

Yes, it may be different to you.

Yes, it is not a common thing to do.

But, I am not lost.

I have grasped my future.

There is a destination lurking.

I may look confused .

But I am planning my reality within those moments.

I roam around, thinking and laughing to myself.

I look lost.

But,

I am not lost.

For,

I have you.

And that is all I need.

Not Yours.

You smile at everyone else, but you don´t smile at me.

You laugh with everyone else, but you don´t laugh with me.

You talk with everyone else, but you don´t talk with me.

What about me?

Where is my worth, my value?

What have I done for you to ignore me?

Am I worthless?

No, I am not.

I have done nothing and yet you treat me like this.

I have worth and I am tired of you not showing me respect.

My value, my innocence means something.

So,

You smile at everyone else, but you don´t smile at me.

You laugh with everyone else, but you don´t laugh with me.

You talk with everyone else, but you don´t talk with me.

And I am grateful.

I do not need your smile, your laugh or your words.

I have value, I have power.

You do not affect me.

I only want smiles, laughter and words from people I care about.

Those smiles, laughter and words are the ones that matter.

Not yours.